


The Unspoken Words Between You and Me

by infptwriter



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, M/M, Not Beta Read, Post Time Skip, READ NOTES, Smut, Spoilers for manga, not all canon compliant, not happy ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-12
Updated: 2020-06-12
Packaged: 2021-03-03 21:08:08
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,737
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24672097
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/infptwriter/pseuds/infptwriter
Summary: Akaashi’s heart burns with love for him, still, even after years of having fallen for him. Bokuto seems blind to Akaashi’s adoration for him, because, in person, Akaashi isn’t able to hide his emotions from Bokuto, and he wonders how the other never brought it up. It’s something perhaps like a secret, a forbidden topic between them.Unspoken, just falling between the lines, the silences and Akaashi’s actions.
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou
Comments: 6
Kudos: 32





	The Unspoken Words Between You and Me

**Author's Note:**

> Hello!  
> I hope y'all read the tags, since we have MANGA SPOILERS, it isn't happy and PLEASE  
> WARNING: there is stalking and murder mentioned!!
> 
> Hope you like it this weird ride I had in my mind today! <3  
> Excuse my mistakes, this was not beta read.

Reconnecting with Bokuto Koutarou after two years of no contact at all had been a good surprise to Akaashi’s life. He had never wanted to lose touch, never meant to allow the messages to become dry and scarce, but it had just happened. Back then, Akaashi had thought that perhaps it was destiny’s message of how they weren’t meant to be. How Akaashi’s feelings were supposed to be buried forever, never letting Bokuto find out about them.

Now, he thinks maybe destiny just wanted them to grow a bit before they met again.

Akaashi was almost 20 and Bokuto had just turned 21, and they both sounded more mature than before the first time they meet. Bokuto is still loud and obnoxious, his extroverted and high energy personality still strong as ever. But he doesn’t show his previous moodiness anymore, and he definitely has matured enough to be responsible, organized and focus on the things that matter for him. Akaashi respects him for this.

Akaashi is still quiet, introverted and collected. But he’s not as closed off and as blunt as he used to be. He melted into a gentle and kind personality, one that Bokuto had brought into him just after they had managed to lose Nationals during Bokuto’s last year at Fukurodani. When they both decided to stay behind that last day of practice with the other third years until only the two of them were there, late at night, Bokuto had talked to him.

 _Being a bit more open to emotions will help you, Akaashi. And you’ll be the amazing captain I know you can be_.

If Akaashi had cried more than he normally would that day, Bokuto never said anything.

It was that point that changed a lot of things for Akaashi. First, he fully accepted that he was – is – in love with Bokuto and that he wouldn’t do anything about it until he was off high school; and second, that he would do his best to be someone Bokuto would be proud of. It had been a process, to open up, but Akaashi managed.

Bokuto was there for him, at first. They messaged constantly, and Akaashi tried to be more open with him as well. But that meant he could let slip that he was in love with Bokuto, and this could ruin everything, so he slowly closed himself off again – but, sadly, stupidly, only for Bokuto. He grew on his own, and grew apart from his love as well, but decided it was maybe for the best.

Now, how did Akaashi get to this point, laying next to a _naked_ sleeping Bokuto, even though they are not even dating, is something Akaashi still doesn’t have the answers for it.

.

At first, they build a slow friendship. It starts with coffee dates – even though Akaashi doesn’t think those are romantic dates, just friendly ones – filled with small talk. They get to know each other, find out about what they have missed during those years. Akaashi talks about college, Bokuto talks about volleyball and his new team. They talk about old friends, about old memories, about creating new memories and it turns to a point where it seems like they had never lost touch at all.

Akaashi’s heart burns with love for him, still, even after years of having fallen for him. Bokuto seems blind to Akaashi’s adoration for him, because, in person, Akaashi isn’t able to hide his emotions from Bokuto, and he wonders how the other never brought it up. It’s something perhaps like a secret, a forbidden topic between them. Unspoken, just falling between the lines, the silences and Akaashi’s actions.

It’s what he thinks for the first six months. He keeps meeting with Bokuto at least twice a week, and they talk over everything in their lives until they run out of topics and just choose random topics. They navigate between theories, volleyball and college, until, one day, Bokuto breaks Akaashi’s taboo’s rule. He mentions _the feelings_.

“Have you ever been in love, Akaashi?”

He doesn’t reply immediately, neither does he blush. He just stares at the ceiling on his apartment, because they have decided to lay on the floor next to the coffee table and talk nonsense after dinner – one of their usual rituals, sacred for them. Akaashi stares until he snorts and decides that bluntness is still a part of him, but when it comes to Bokuto, he wants to play around it a little more.

“Do you honestly don’t know the answer to this question, Bokuto-san?”

His head is turned now, looking at Bokuto. Bokuto stares right back at him, his eyes not afraid, not confused, not even sad. Just paying attention, watching closely, observing a prey like an owl would do. His yellow eyes seem brighter even though the lights are dimmed, and Akaashi wants to kiss him.

Instead, Bokuto does it before Akaashi can think of doing it. He kisses Akaashi slowly, as if he’s testing a wine for the first time. He explore the feeling of his lips against Akaashi’s, and then he opens his mouth, urging his tongue to feel Akaashi’s tongue as well. It’s not only slow, but also lewd, and somehow they both turn their entire body towards the other, arms gripping each other, hands meeting the other’s hair. They’re too close, not close enough, Akaashi wants more and more and Bokuto gives it to him.

They have sex.

It’s not the last time.

.

They don’t talk about it, but they see each other more frequently. There is no talking about feelings and such, only their normal routine followed by amazing, mind-blowing sex afterwards. This situation only feeds Akaashi’s clenching heart more and more, and he’s slowly drawn into the mess because he wants to have Bokuto in any way he can have it. Bokuto apparently knows about his feeling, considering their conversation the first time they had sex, but they don’t even acknowledge it.

It’s always unspoken between them.

Akaashi can’t help it, though. Bokuto brings a fire into his life that he didn’t even know he had been missing. But this fire only fully ignites during bed, when they kiss, when one is fucking the other and they moan desperately on each other’s mouth. It’s consuming, the idea of having him without actually having him, intoxicating, like a poison that will slowly kill him. The day Bokuto decides they won’t do this anymore, it’s the day that the poison will win.

But tonight, Bokuto arrives and doesn’t care about asking Akaashi about his internship or his colleagues, doesn’t care about telling him about training and his day. He kisses Akaashi desperately, like he hasn’t seen him for month, and pulls him so close they also melt into each other. Since Bokuto is Akaashi’s sun, he thinks it’s fitting, to melt into Bokuto’s fire.

When they make to the bedroom, Akaashi already has his shirt off and so does Bokuto. He’s midway through getting rid of their pants, when Bokuto stops kissing him and stares at him. Akaashi stares back, his heart beating strongly against his ribcage, like it’s trying to break free and run away. _Do while you can, heart,_ he thinks sadly, because Bokuto has lust but sorrow inside his eyes. Perhaps this is the end, the last time.

“They told me gay relationships aren’t well accepted enough here for me to come out,” he says quietly and Akaashi manages to open his mouth in a silent _oh_. Bokuto had considered him? Considered coming out _because of him_?

“And they want me to at least have one girlfriend, so nobody will suspect I am gay,” he continues but Akaashi’s heart has already failed him, the strong beating becoming even stronger, as if to say _you’re the one who should run away right now!_

“I agreed,” Bokuto admits quietly, his entire face sad now. “I agreed to have a fake girlfriend, but I told them my actual relationship with the person _I love_ will not end. It will just be private.”

Akaashi wants to burst, either from happiness to hear Bokuto refer to him as the person he loves, or from sadness, knowing he will never be able to have Bokuto in all the ways he wanted. _This has to be enough¸_ he thinks sadly. _He loves me, isn’t that enough? And he’s here. Not anywhere else._

“Bo– Koutarou,” he whispers, his hands landing softly on Bokuto’s face, caressing his cheekbones. Bokuto leans into the touch, closing his eyes briefly. “That’s more than I can ask for.”

This time, when they kiss, it’s less urgent and more lovingly, like Akaashi had never felt before. The lust is always present, but when mixed with this much love, care and tenderness, Akaashi realizes this is what it’s going to kill him. Bokuto kisses him, slowly undressing them as well, and they both fall into Akaashi’s bed together.

“I love you,” Bokuto whispers into his collarbone as he gently bites and sucks a dark mark there. Akaashi doesn’t suppress his low moan, calling _Kou_ gently and rocking into him. He’s already so hard, he feels like he’ll combust. Because of lust, love, fear and insecurities, all at once, maybe.

“I love you,” Akaashi whispers back, just when Bokuto reaches his nipples and starts sucking them gently. He doesn’t want to think about their conversation, just how this feels good, and how Bokuto wants to be there, making love with him.

Akaashi threads his fingers on Bokuto’s hair – which is down, for once, making Akaashi thankful since he likes it better this way – and breathes out a breathy moan. Bokuto looks at him, never stop his motions on Akaashi’s chest, and Akaashi’s breath gets stuck on his throat. Bokuto was looking at him with such love and care, it was almost enough to make him come.

He pulls him back by his shoulders, kissing him again and rubbing his lower part against Bokuto’s own. “Kou,” he whispers brokenly, his mind a pleasurable blank, the need for release too much for him to bear. “More, more,” he chants, voice low.

Bokuto groans softly as he grinds against Akaashi, both of them moaning quietly. Bokuto is already grabbing the bottle of lube and trying to take off his underwear, but Akaashi stops him. “Let me bottom tonight, I need to feel you inside me,” he whispers.

_I need to feel you more than just in my thoughts, in my heart. I need to you rip me apart and pull me back together._

It’s, as always, unspoken between them, but Bokuto nods, kissing him all the way down his belly, taking off his underwear with gently kisses and bites on his thighs. Pre-cum is already leaking from Akaashi’s dick, and he wonders how long he will last with the state he’s in. Bokuto pulls his hips a bit higher and licks all the way of Akaashi’s entrance.

He moans so loud and lewdly, he almost feels ashamed, if he was in the right mind. But right now, it feels so amazing to feel Bokuto’s tongue on his ass, lapping softly there before inserting a lubed finger to work inside him.

They switch often, and yet Akaashi is never fully used with the feeling of being stretched open. “You’re always so tight,” Bokuto breathes out, kissing his thigh again before inserting a second finger. Akaashi lets out a breathy moan and looks at Bokuto.

Bokuto is staring at him with sweet, lusty eyes and Akaashi wants to come desperately. “You’re so fucking gorgeous, Keiji,” he draws as he scissors Akaashi, and he wants to reply, but he can’t. Bokuto’s fingers feel amazing inside of him, stretching him and _oh, oh!_ “Hmm, did I find something here?”

Akaashi moans again when Bokuto hits his prostrate, and mid Akaashi’s pleasure, he inserts another finger – to then starts sucking Akaashi’s dick softly at the head. Every cell of his body burns with lust, desire and love, and Akaashi _desperately_ needs to come, his moans coming louder and more brokenly than he wanted.

Then, Bokuto stops everything and removes his fingers and mouth from Akaashi. He whines at the loss, opening his closed eyes – _when did I close them?_ – to watch Bokuto jerk himself a bit, before putting the condom and lube on his hard dick. Akaashi’s mouth waters at the sight, and he almost suggest sucking Bokuto off first when he positions himself in front of Akaashi’s entrance.

But he leans his torso towards Akaashi first, kissing his lips softly to then give him a lovingly and gentle smile. “Tell me if it hurts, yeah?”

It had always been an agreement between them, to tell the other if it was too much, if it was hurting. But the way Bokuto had said it, the way he had looked at Akaashi, how he had kissed him before saying those words, all of this made Akaashi’s heart clench. _I have this, it’s enough_.

Akaashi nods, and then Bokuto is slowly entering him, Akaashi’s moan and breath getting caught once more on his throat. He throws his head back, eyes closed, and he breathes out, a moan coming out as well. Bokuto enters him slowly, his hands positioned around his hips and with a furrowed brow – not that Akaashi would know, since he’s not looking. When he bottoms out, he waits until Akaashi feels comfortable enough to give him a sign to move.

It takes just a few seconds. “ _Move_ ,” Akaashi whispers brokenly, his eyes and face turning back to Bokuto, to watch him pull himself almost all out and then snap in again.

It’s not that rough, it’s mostly gentle. But there’s still that hint of desperation written on his face and on the way he snaps his hips, making Akaashi moan even more than before. It’s mostly a blur, the feeling of Bokuto’s dick inside of him being too much, but he manages to cross his legs behind Bokuto’s back – urging him to go deeper – and grabbing his shoulders to bring him closer. They kiss, open mouthed and lewdly, Bokuto’s hips never stopping. He readjusts himself and then Akaashi is seeing stars, moaning a broken _Kou_ so loud that he thinks the neighbors heard him.

Bokuto doesn’t stop hitting his prostate not even for a second, his pace relentlessly, strong and steady. He breathes on Akaashi’s ears, his voice coming sweet and out of breath, quietly and yet so loud to Akaashi. “You’re so hot, I can’t… I can’t think… _Fuck, Keiji, you’re so tight._ I love you so fucking much,”

Akaashi thinks maybe it’s the dirty talk Bokuto has done, or the way he keeps snapping himself into Akaashi like there’s no tomorrow. He comes with a deep moan, feeling all the tension he had been feeling leave his body in a halt. Bokuto doesn’t stop, and his movements soon become erratic until he’s coming, a groan mixed with a moan on Akaashi’s ear.

They don’t move for a moment, and Akaashi threads his fingers on Bokuto’s hair. They love each other, and although they won’t have much than these moments, it will be enough for Akaashi. For their sake, he will go through all for the sake of this relationship, of everything they have together. He can do this.

They clean up soon, and fall back into bed, Bokuto reaching for Akaashi to lay half of himself on top of him, hiding his face on his neck. “I’m sorry, Keiji,” he whispers sadly, voice muffled but Akaashi only kisses his temple.

“We’ll figure it out, Kou,” he replies back, and reaches for his hand to intertwine their fingers. “It’s okay.”

They kiss again, and they spend the night like this. With their dinner forgotten, the world ceased to exist around them. They have each other and this is enough.

.

“Oh!” Akaashi’s colleague said happily when she sees Akaashi that morning. It had been about two weeks since that night with Bokuto. “Akaashi-kun, you’re friends with the pro volleyball player Bokuto right? He’s on this article I was reading!”

Akaashi wants to seem uninterested, but it sparks his curiosity. “Hmm, really?” he comments, to be nice enough not to say anything but not willing to ask what it is about.

“Yeah! He has a girlfriend, it says!”

Akaashi blinks at her. “Wait, maybe he was waiting to tell you, Akaashi-kun, I’m sorry!”

“Don’t apologize,” he replies politely. “I haven’t seen him in a while,”

The lies come easy to his tongue, even though he had seen Bokuto this morning – after they woke up a bit earlier than normal so they could have a shower together, which turned into sex, and Bokuto had ‘sneaked out’ of Akaashi’s apartment. But Bokuto hadn’t mentioned anything about a girlfriend, even if it’s a fake one.

“Good for him,” he murmurs before grabbing his coffee and continuing his work. His colleague doesn’t say anything else, thankfully, and he tries to focus on his work. He tries to think of reviewing these papers and not of Bokuto, of Bokuto hiding his fake relationship from him, his real relationship, or of Bokuto with a girl and not with him.

He fails miserably.

.

Akaashi can’t bring himself to mention it. Bokuto never says a word about it, and neither does Akaashi, even though he desperately wants to. Instead, he keeps up with articles about Bokuto and his love life, about his girlfriend – Suzuki Hina, it seems – and how Suzuki was the one who announced their relationship through social media.

He becomes obsessed with observing her life. He creates a fake account and follows her – she has quite a good amount of followers and apparently she’s a blogger about healthy cooking –, observing every step she takes and every single picture or video of Bokuto she posts. It’s not a lot, but it’s there. Every time Bokuto had ditched him, it had been to be with her, Akaashi realizes.

_Is it fake?_

Bokuto had mentioned accepting a fake relationship, but he had never mentioned it again to Akaashi. He feels weird, like he’s the unspoken lover, the one Bokuto is using to cheat on his ‘girlfriend’. It doesn’t sit well with him, but he had said they would make it work.

And ever since that day, they had fallen into some sort of domesticity, like a real relationship. At home, they were cuddling, watching TV, talking and having sex – it was almost daily routine. Bokuto couldn’t drop by every day, and when he did, he was always wearing capes to hide his hair and masks and sunglasses to hide his face. It was oddly suspicious to anyone outside, but Akaashi didn’t mind as long as he managed to come. The doorman of the building had mentioned it more than once, but Akaashi told him it was just a friend every time.

So, he decided to let go of the ‘fake girlfriend’ story. Bokuto probably didn’t share with him because he was uncomfortable, or he thought that Akaashi would be.

.

It takes a few more weeks until Bokuto starts to show up less often.

At first, Akaashi isn’t much bothered. Bokuto is a busy man and Akaashi is not remarkably close to where Bokuto trains or where he lives. It doesn’t bother him for the first week, nor for the second, but by the third week he’s feeling insecure.

Of course, Suzuki’s Instagram has now even more pics and videos of Bokuto, of them being together, of them cuddling, of them working out – it has all the things Akaashi is jealous of not being able to get so easily, sadly. He wonders if Bokuto is spending a lot of time with her, of if all of those pictures and videos are taken in one day and she posts it slowly. Or maybe they’re actually dating, and Akaashi is just Bokuto’s second lover – the unspoken one, the hidden one, the _dirty_ one.

Perhaps Bokuto is only with Akaashi for the sake of Akaashi’s feelings, or for the feeling to fall in bed with another man. He isn’t sure anymore. He loves Bokuto more than anything, but he can’t help his insecurity to tell him so loudly inside his head that Bokuto doesn’t love him back that much.

He envies Suzuki, for having something Akaashi will never have. The whole Bokuto Koutarou, freely for the world to see, and not hidden behind closed doors, sunglasses, capes and masks.

.

Akaashi, for some reason, can’t help but to close himself off again with Bokuto. Maybe it’s easier to do it with him since he’s terrified of the possibilities of his own feelings. And now that the situation with Bokuto has brought up his past insecurities back, it’s inevitable that he does it.

But he doesn’t do it all at once.

First, he decides not to talk much about feelings with Bokuto. Of course, during sex it’s hard to think when there’s so much pleasure and amazing feelings going through him, so he slips sometimes some _I love you_ and such. Sex makes his mind hazy, and perhaps that’s why the second step is avoiding sex altogether. To avoid what makes him lose control is easy, and suddenly Akaashi realizes this might have been his biggest mistake.

Because Bokuto starts showing up less and less.

The hurt, the feeling of being just a sex toy – a forbidden one, that is – makes Akaashi’s heart clench uncomfortably inside his chest. He hates it, how those love words suddenly sound empty inside his head, his Bokuto’s love feel fake because if sex is out of equation, then so is he. He doesn’t want to feel used, but he _does_ , because maybe Bokuto used him as a way to get the pleasure he needs from a man – since he’s gay –, or just because Akaashi is his friend and he knew Akaashi is in love with him.

That night, when Bokuto texts another excuse, Akaashi finds himself again on his bed, crying for feelings he wishes he didn’t have. Loving Bokuto was once something that brought nostalgia and the young love feeling for him, but now it feels like he’s being dirty by doing it, that this love might be the reason why he feels so empty all the time.

Maybe he’s ruining Bokuto’s career, too. Maybe, the fact that Bokuto drops by so often made people suspicious, and now he can’t come either way. But Bokuto doesn’t invite him over either, so Akaashi is left wondering by himself. Is Bokuto protecting himself? Is Bokuto only using him? Did Bokuto ever really love him?

For Akaashi, it feels like falling into the deep end.

.

Akaashi decides to let go.

But he doesn’t want to confront Bokuto either, he realizes, because it would be too much. As the end of college approaches and he has already an established job, he decides to move out. He doesn’t mention it to Bokuto – who still shows up sometimes, and even though Akaashi doesn’t want it to be about sex, it ends up becoming because of how rare it is for Bokuto to come these days – and he simply finds a new apartment.

He doesn’t tell Bokuto about his new job either. Slowly, he decides he will vanish from Bokuto’s life, moving out, going to a new job and leaving college since it’s almost ending. He prepares himself for this moment for _months_ , and when he graduates, he moves out.

Akaashi changes his phone number.

He leaves a letter to Bokuto inside the apartment – since Bokuto has a spare key – and moves on with his life. It will be for the best, he decides. It has to be. If Bokuto reads the letter and comes back into his life, then Akaashi’s insecurities will be proven wrong. He knows it.

Every single cell on his body burns, screams and boils at this decision, but he doesn’t back down. For Bokuto’s career, for his happiness and for Akaashi’s own happiness, he will let Bokuto Koutarou go.

If he cries every night for an entire week, he keeps this secret to himself.

.

_Koutarou,_

_Forgive me for doing this on a letter. We have drifted apart so much during these months – has it been more than two years now? – and I have wondered. I wonder so much about our relationship, about what it truly means to you. When I saw you started dating Suzuki, I had believed it was a fake relationship. But when we fell apart, I thought that perhaps I was the side lover, a sex toy for you to use whenever it pleased you._

_Forgive me for those thoughts in case they are wrong. But I also feel like even if I’m wrong and you love me, that relationship is fake and I’m the one for you, we can’t be together either way._

_Please, don’t misunderstand me. I love you with all my heart, but you are not ready to face this kind of situation that could ruin your career. I’m not willing to let you go through something that will only disturb you and your happiness. Volleyball is your first love, I won’t ever forget that. I’m not bitter, I promise, but I have to be honest. You have to pursue your career and your first love before pursuing me._

_I can’t guarantee you I will always be waiting, but for as long as possible, I will. Maybe tomorrow, maybe in one year, if you are ready. My new address, phone number and workplace are written behind this letter. But don’t seek me if you’re not ready to have a relationship with me, hidden from the world or not. Because you aren’t right now, Koutarou, not when you have so much to think about._

_I’ll gladly be cheering up on you, doesn’t matter what you choose. But consider my feelings as well, Koutarou. If you do love me, I know you will choose the correct decision._

_I love you, Koutarou._

_Forever yours,_

_Akaashi Keiji._

.

Akaashi is almost 24 years old and he has recently met with Konoha, his senpai from high school. It warms his heart to see friends he hasn’t heard of in years, and he almost freezes when Konoha mentions Bokuto and doing a high school meeting. He mentions losing touch with him and not even having his phone number – like the others did, too – and Akaashi is sad to say it’s the same for him – mostly, that is, because he has his contact. He ends up saying he’ll consider it, since he’s too busy, but asks for Konoha’s number just in case.

He hasn’t seen Bokuto for over a year. At first, Akaashi had felt like there was a limb missing from him, like his heart had been taken away from his chest. The pain was almost unbearable, and he kept his contact save on his phone.

For so many nights, he had almost called him just to hear his voice.

He never truly let him go in a way. He always keeps up with Bokuto’s life on the news, and he knows Bokuto and Suzuki broke up roughly two weeks after Akaashi walked out of his life. He wonders if it was because of him or the timing was a coincidence. And after that, Bokuto had been seen with many girls several times, but never more than once. He was even called a womanizer.

Akaashi knows he’s a masochist for reading every single article every night before bed, for looking at the pictures taken from him and the girls on dates. Akaashi’s heart clenches every time, and he wishes it were him, that he was the one holding Bokuto’s hand and kissing his cheek. But he doesn’t know if he ever will have this, even behind closed doors. Because Bokuto never contacted him after he left, he never tried.

He tries really hard not to feel hurt, but he’s also thankful that Bokuto didn’t seek him. Because he would have thrown himself into that same relationship so easily, and it would have hurt him even more. Akaashi couldn’t take more of this back then, and he still thinks he can’t right now either.

Akaashi is sipping his ginger and lemon tea while the TV is on, some news about the day playing softly on the background, when his phone beeps with a new message. It’s just past eight pm and he wonders if his boss has another deadline to bother him with.

_Open the door._

It’s a message, from an unknown number. Akaashi blinks, and he wonders if this is a joke. Quietly, he walks to the door and checks if it’s locked – of course it is, he did lock after he arrived. He decides to check through the peephole who it might be, and when he does, he frowns. Cap, mask and sunglasses. _Could it be…?_

He opens the door.

.

Bokuto had been anxious, wanting so badly to meet Akaashi again. But Akaashi was right – they needed time apart. Bokuto had been a mess, trying to keep two relationships alive at once – one that meant everything to him, and one that was purely to get people off his back – but now he feels ready, more than ever. He went through the process of building a reputation for himself, even going on dates with random girls so he could finally get here. Feeling nervous, he texts Akaashi and he gets no response. The door doesn’t open, and he checks again if he got the wrong building, but he didn’t. He dials the phone, hoping that Akaashi would answer but it goes straight to voicemail.

_Maybe he isn’t at home?_

Since Akaashi is an editor, it makes sense that maybe he’s still at work. He knocks at the door and waits, but no one shows up. So, deciding on looking for him at his workplace, Bokuto leaves.

.

As soon as he arrives at his workplace the next day, a woman gasps when she notices him.

“Bokuto, the pro volleyball player!”

Bokuto rubs his neck awkwardly and smiles a bit shyly. He’s not used to this kind of attention, but now that he has a solid career, it makes people know who he is sometimes on the streets, and this is the reason why he’s _finally_ seeking Akaashi. He wants to try again and, this time, he wants the whole world to know about them.

“Yeah, hi,” he says feeling still awkward. “Is… uhm, Akaashi Keiji around? He works here right?”

The woman’s smile falls. “What? You haven’t heard?”

Bokuto blinks. “About what?”

“About three months ago, Akaashi-kun’s stalker – one we didn’t know he had – confronted him at his new apartment and killed him. The guy is in jail now, but… Akaashi-kun is gone.”

Her tone is soft and gentle, but it isn’t enough to stop Bokuto’s heart from falling to the ground. “What?”

“I’m deeply sorry, Bokuto-san,” she offers, tone kind and supportive. “I know you two were close friends once. He talked like you were the moon. Didn’t any of your old teammates tell you?”

 _No,_ he thinks _, because I dumbly shut everyone out to get this far for Keiji_.

Bokuto thanks her for the information, anyway, feeling numb. He leaves the place as quick as he can, and he doesn’t care if he’s far from home – he gets on a cab. As soon as he sits and gives the driver his address, he releases a breath he didn’t know he was holding. Akaashi is dead. _Akaashi is dead_.

He changes his mind, telling a new address to the driver.

.

When he arrives at the cemetery not too far from Akaashi’s neighborhood, he’s 100% sure he’s gotten the right cemetery. It makes sense, Akaashi’s mother would want her son to be buried the closest to his home as possible. Bokuto still feels numb, as if he is somehow dying and all his emotions were taken away from him. It’s mostly denial since he won’t accept Akaashi is dead until he gets proof.

Sadly, he gets his proof.

It takes him more than 20 minutes to find Akaashi’s grave, and for most of the time, he had been hoping it was just a lie, just a fever dream, just a mistake. But it wasn’t. Akaashi’s name and birthdate were there, as if to throw at Bokuto’s face that he was too late.

He breaks down as soon as he realizes this.

Maybe, if he had gotten his shit together earlier. If he had at least told Akaashi his plans. If he had paid more attention, if he had been there, if, if, _if_. All the possibilities haunt Bokuto because maybe he could have helped avoiding this. He could have saved Akaashi. They could be together right now, living the life Bokuto had always wanted to give him.

 _I don’t even remember what was the last thing I told him_.

He sits on the ground, tears streaming down his face and wonders, why could the universe be so cruel? Why would the universe take away from him the reason for this happiness? Why would the universe take _Akaashi_ , someone so gentle, kind and selfless?

“Keiji,” he whispers brokenly. “Keiji, please, I’m home. I’m so sorry. I’m sorry I didn’t come back earlier. Keiji, _please_ , come back.”

He is met with silence.

Bokuto breaks down again.

.

_Breaking news: 23 years old man, Akaashi Keiji, is murdered at his own place._

_According to the police, Akaashi Keiji was murdered by his stalker, Takahashi Sora. Apparently, he had been stalking the victim since he lived previously in another building. Takahashi admitted knowing his address and phone number because of a letter the victim had left for another person – his lover, the murdered claims but the police wasn’t able to confirm – with his information on his previous apartment._

_Takahashi was obsessed with the Akaashi for years, and he claimed he visited him to talk about their ‘undying, meant to be love’. He also distinguished himself as his mentioned lover to make the victim open the door. Akaashi had reacted badly, and in a panic, Takahashi stabbed him several times. He was the one to call the emergency room afterwards, and when he was arrested by the police, he confessed his crime and obsession for the victim._

_Takahashi Sora was sentenced for imprisonment for life._

_Akaashi Keiji was the editor of the famous xxxx manga publisher company. All respect and well wishes to his family on their loss._

**Author's Note:**

> Yes,  
> Please do not hate me! Jen and Nation, this is your fault.   
> I also hope I tagged everything correctly? This is my first time writing this kind of thing... Anyways, I am sorry! Blame Jen and Nation! Neens and I had agreed on hopeful ending, but then Jen said 'kill someone' and Nation voted for 1, so... sorry Akaashi, baby.  
> Hope you liked it <3
> 
> (yell at me on twt @owlhashira)


End file.
